Faultless
Faultless
as I, the river flow with life in a shabby boat of a mind
many of you oared near me despite.
you caressed my heart with soft eyes of love
as lovers, friends, companions, guides.
and since the cosmic joke is that your boat
is not more or less shabbier than mine
while dancing together on finding love
our boats ripped holes into each others.
without warning, our soft love turned shard
clasping my heart, I spat anger
clasping yours, you fear.
Forgetting and forgoing the joy of our love.
I rowed away as far as I could
to mend the pieces of
my precious boat.
I sob - I know it shabby.
why get close to only wreck
what keeps me afloat?
Hoodwinked by creaks
alone in doldrums
I fight pointless storms of anger, fear, pain.
(So many fucking times).
I cannot sink. Not from love again.
In resentment I drench
All the while trying to mend a spinning boat.
I gasp for air, and your eyes over the horizon,
hoping you would know to bring
slats, glue, and apologies before its too late.
Sometimes days, sometimes weeks, sometimes years pass
before remembrance comes.
…Wait. I cannot drown, even if this boat does.
I am the river.
The river cannot sink.
The storms still present turn serene.
The next remembrance bursts open my heart.
You are the river. Just like I.
The river cannot hurt itself.
The storms become sacred.
Thank Goddess, I did not try to forgive you all.
For that would be as pointless as me mending my boat.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. But a remembering.
It is not a letting you off the hook,
but a letting my shabby boat drown.
For the boats don’t love.
They just help us row when we forget to flow.
We are the river.
Source of love. All love.
Ceaseless.
Eternally faultless.