To Women: If you are turning 10-13 and have a womb. This is for you.
The collective psyche of men wants to get it right with you. They just don’t know how yet. They are learning through how you treat them. Treat them from choice and sovereignty and not conditioning and expectations.
For eternity and infinity, please replace the word deserve with DESIRE. OS Desire is natural. OS deserve is a manmade perception. Free yourself and follow what you desire, not what you think you deserve.
It is your Birthright to come to your innate sexuality in a way that you can protect yourself from becoming prey and enjoy the deepest pleasure available to a human body on terms that are most true and real for your being and body. One night to Whole life!
A free woman chooses what she wants and not what is available or offered. Give up on every single notion of what is ‘proper behaviour’. Only behaviour that is proper is what is my most natural sovereign to your body and being as real to you in any given moment. No matter who is part of that shared experience. Your papa or the president.
If they can’t respect you in the way you want, he should not be able to score with you or she should not be your friend. If men who have disrespected you have scored with you, there is opportunity to build your instincts and felt sense to make better choices next time. If a woman has deceived you, it is an opportunity to improve your discernment about who to trust and who to not trust.
Learn how to naturally inspire accountability from a man (any man - brother, father, friend, lover, beloved, son, colleague, neighbour, acquantaince). Don’t punish him. That just makes him more broken. Instead use your natural feminine brilliance and creativity to inspire his honesty and changed behaviours. You know him deeply, you take in everything about him if he matters to you. If you see his potential, there is wisdom in that. He is not a project (this is feminine ego that is trying to cope with broken culture built in the western cradle of individuation). Any man in your life by choice or design offers a sacred journey to become more and more of your most radically badassicaly self. Your most truest expression of who you are.
If life brings you a challenge, a transition, a downturn try to fend for yourself instead of gravitating to the home of your family of origin. How we handle our breakdowns can help us leap.
If a man tries to feel empty (peace of mind, no stress) through games (video games) or sex they are not yet mature enough to be a father. If a man has learnt how to feel empty through masturbation, physical exercise and meditation they are better choices for a mate.
You are wired to sense bullshit naturally, but likely not empowered to act on what you sense congruently due to the subjugation of the feminine for centuries. Your sovereignty lies in learning how to be with what you are sensing and act congruently on it.
The only thing that weakens your instincts is not using them.
A friend worth keeping leans in when you are struggling rather than leaning away.
Learn how to be easy to enjoy yourself on your own and with different kinds of people authentically but also learn not to be easy to fuck. Only fuck based on cues of natural sexual compatibility.
It feels good when someone thinks about us, it feels better when they understand us. It feels best when they want us for our naturalness without curbing our freedom.
You have the capacity to save your own life. Build your capacity to take a life. Start with the plants and insects that are around you. Notice and observe what happens each time to take a life with conscious choice to reactive choice - neutral to good to awful are all valid experiences. This aides building a healthy relationship with *self protection.
A man who cannot offer transparency, accountability and commitment is not ready to be serious candidate for marriage. He is still uninitiated. If you feel natural sexual compatibility, engage with an uninitiated man with solid boundaries to aid his evolution. Meaning even if he rich and powerful don’t fuck him if you don’t feel the natural sexual compatibility cues with him. This teaches him how to become initiated organically.
There is a difference between something feeling attractive (learnt association through media and peers, sexy skirt) and something feeling hot/sexy (arousing physiologically to a physiological - of the body- cue in another) I can find biceps but I find non verbal cues hot. I can find tattoos sexy but an anklet hot. Notice this difference as most real and true for you.
Men/Humans who do not care about making you feel complete emotionally, sexually, spiritually, psychologically around your shared experiences with them, have not been initiated into what a womb is in relationship to their own existence and how to treat those who have them because of how those that had them before were treated. Not caring is a result of cultural breakdown i.e the lack of understanding in men to appreciate the significance of and therefore arrive to their most innate way of treating one. They have to realise the ‘mouth’ (Vagina) they fuck is the mouth that gives birth. Wounds to it, is a wound to ALL LIFE. In the absence of initiating elders, our society has what we call toxic masculinity which is not masculinity as it is immaturity so, we are better served calling it #toxicimmaturity of uninitiated males with adult privileges and power.)
This is a useful mantra to experiment and learn from -
I am the protector of my breath
I am an expert of my body
I am the maker of my choice
I am the judge for my deeds.ALL in collaboration
With the flow of life.Learn the difference between desire and attraction in your body as most real for you. Desire is your ‘I want’ and attraction is their ‘I want’ or ancestral energy that you can feel in between you and them. The stronger the attraction you feel, the deeper the desire is on their part. Choose if you want to cater to their desire for you or follow your own intrinsic desire. The place this is most imp to consider is when dating for fun or forever.
Explore what your innate, natural sexuality is. The media, culture, the choices of peers, expectations of men, movies, etc will all try to shape your natural sexuality. Stay tethered to your own unique drive of pleasure as is MOST PLEASURABLE to you in your body. Don’t let the boys decide how you dress, let your authentic self-expression choose your clothes. Make art for your own heart’s eyes before another.
Men find it attractive when a woman can initiate sexual contact and lead sexual play. They won’t say this, they will just like it when a woman naturally wants them and is free to express it also.
During sexual exchanges including flirtation and foreplay, notice which closures happen because of a instinctual boundary (felt sense + capacity to act on it) and which happen from a trauma response (trigger without capacity to stay in self authority)
Experiment and observe if you like being ravished or being stimulated sensually and sexually. This distinction as it means most meaningful to you is a cue to what you like and must discern for.
Be the most untamed/uncontrollable version of your matrilineal line. The clue is in your embodied pleasure, aliveness and fulfillment without any hesitation or external requirements.
After a breakup: Wait until you feel complete moving through that relationship (feel free and complete and have no regret, confusion, unsaid things etc, before you try to move on. Try to avoid using another relationship to get over the previous one. Use your own natural rhythms of feeling ready from the body (and not the energy of another, mind, culture, expectation, family pressure, fear of being alone, wanting to feel chosen due to the previous rejection) to make decisions.
Learn to trust your read on something and someone based on intuitive and felt sense and not common sense. Your perception is your superpower.
Learn how to feel and learn from jealousy and judgment completely before acting. This natural human experience mismanaged can cause degeneration in human relationships at a rate that matches imperialization and industrialization combined. Make an oath to yourself to never ever act on jealousy towards a sister. This is a cardinal sin and a violation of the most instrinsic primordial bond of fellowship between two womb-keepers. If she is a sister, any jealousy is an opportunity for growth and not to hate and punish her.
Decide which would you want to be your natural instinct to save or spend money? The right answer is invest money. 😎
All form of sexual and sensual touch can end at any point that you need for any apparent or not yet apparent reason. THIS IS A BIRTHRIGHT. Even mid sex, yes! Even mid kissing, snuggling, ne long, holding hands, leaning, caressing. Any form of touch can end at any point if you need. Just say it with the same certainty you say - I am hungry to yourself.
A man who is willing to disclose his financial, sexual, relational and mistake history with you is ready to commit to you. If not, he is still shopping around and don’t entertain his sexual intent driven hangs outs.
Notice if you prefer having attention on you or being met with full, clear, true-hearted and congruent presence? This distinction will support your choices for lovers, mates, friends, spouses, colleagues, etc. For possible mates - Whose presence, naturally, draws your awareness/attention? For friends: Whose inspired actions make you feel supported?
Your flow can heal you. Your menstrual flow is your doorway to all your gifts, your power and your ability to navigate life shining without contracting and with the capacity to detect and deter any threat to you.
Men who are incongruent sexually will be unsatisfying to your being. Don’t let them score on you. Sexual congruence creates more satisfying intimacy and sexual experiences. You deserve that and nothing less.
Show men the depths of your heart-soul (wounds and magic, love, rage, grief) before you fuck them. The ones who see your heart-soul and still want you, are only the ones worth merging pheromones ie ancestral information with and perhaps also genetic information if you both consciously create a child. The sex is just way more better in my experience. Go for #epic sex. Moreover, show your inner richness, complexity openly. This embodied showing of my complexity helps train those who you relate with learn about the complexity of life and therefore expands their capacity to be with nuance, paradox, complexity.
Be the kind of woman that turns a man’s pursuit of pleasure (calling a shot and making it, metric body count, which is really for bragging rights among peers and therefore fulfilling the need for feeling respected) into a pursuit of love and truth (true power that is inspired and not contrived or corrupting). That’s how powerful you are. As the symbol of natural embodied beauty, this is your responsibility. Hold it impeccably. #ifmenarepigs#beaholybutcher. Slice off the overgrown foreskin on male ego’s.
Learn to distinguish when are you interested in someone sexually or romantically. Learn how to know when you are ready to end a relationship especially those with sexual exchange as the biochemistry of sex can be assumed to be love when it is physiological connection. A practice of getting clear on this intent before you make a plan is essential for having experiences that align with your intent.
Your freedom is in your protection and therefore your responsibility.
Observe and learn for yourself when do you experience a hot sensationally fuck vs a safe to my ANS fuck. Our first few sexual experiences will help us determine this. You deserve a hot fuck that feels BOTH safe AND exalting. Another question to consider on this “Whose sexual lead do you find naturally irrestiable?” That indicates natural innate desire. In punjabi we say ‘mere varga’ - ‘having the attribute of touch that is desirable and feels right to my body’.
Trust the overwhelm and hesitation and feeling not sure. They all have deep wisdom. We feel things for a reason.
Marriage/Commitment is not perpetual consent. It is a commitment which ALSO must have the needs of the two people moment by moment. If after marriage you want to use a condom, that is your birthright. Choose to marry a man who will celebrate you for holding this vs hold consent as irrevocable as per his preferences. Marriage is not a contract it is a sacred commitment to create family. It is a sacred commitment to participate in shaping the fabric of society at large.
Making it even does not work, making it clear restores harmony. Learn how to find peace of mind (clarity) without needing to get vengeance. Your natural rhythms of finding peace within will help you bring accountability at your pace and with your needs accounted for. This may look like sharing thoughts and feeling, emails whatever you need from an open hearted desire to heal. Trust your instinct on this more than all of men’s attempts to understand the mind, psychology etc (i.e every theory of psychology)
Don’t depend on the male Homo Sapiens, depend on life itself. It is your home base. Your true asana of power. Depend only on life and those that meet you there.
Be your own Altar.
Every country you go to has a different way of signaling interest in someone for sex. Learn your own natural way of signaling (pleasurable and effortless) and entertain men who are drawn to that naturally rather than learn the way the men signal in a country and responding to it. Be the one who choses who you fuck and why, where and when and when the sexual exchange is considered complete (his ejaculation is not a signal for sex is over, your satisfaction is the signal for you that sex is over.) Some cultures unfortunately leave men thinking that friendliness is a sign of sexual interest. Be vary that your natural kindness is not being misunderstood by the human you are interacting with.
We teach by asking those around us (family, friends and social systems) what we need. Our needs are the greatest tool of educating an embryo or an elder and everyone else in between.
Renounce the fear of being called crazy. Let them call you crazy. Them calling you crazy, is a projection of their own amnesia, ALWAYS NO EXCEPTION. Show them your fangs, claws and teeth instead of believing them!
Renouce shame. Practice Practice Practice, until you see the spark of pure liquid life and sacredness oozing from every pore of your body when YOU look in the mirror, naked just as you are, without getting distracted, without getting judgmental, or contracting and collapsing, until you’ve had your own fill of yourself.
Train yourself like a ninja in identifying when you FEEL ready. Feel ready to say something, eat, get up and leave a conversation or a gathering, go out, stay in, have sex, get married, be a mother. Knowing when YOU are ready is your primordial responsibility as a daughter of the earth. The wisdom in your natural readiness is what teaches everyone how to respect you and your boundaries without words. And also know as a daughter of the earth, you are designed to feel what others feel. We can get lost in someone else’s feelings for us all the while believing it was our feelings moving us. Hence, train like Ninja! You are here to write your story not history.
ALL you need is consciously sourced Santa, cycle awareness, a circle of women who make you feel understood from heart-soul authenticity and build your skill to breathe no matter how crazy life gets. Find your own unique ways that is most real to you. May your heart-womb always be protected.
Learn how to say, “I don’t want to do that” and trust that it is your BIRTHRIGHT. We might not know this if we have unprocesssed trauma and or have moved to a new culture or place that is very very different from the culture of our origin.
You are a blessing. Trust that blessings are protected by a power higher than any authority or man or woman or institution that is currently on earth or that ever will be on earth.
Notes:
ANS: Autonomic Nervous System.
*every biological adaptation was a self-protective mutation of a sapien and their progeny if it was life-threatening.