My COVID-19 Diary - learning ‘right action’ while managing apathy and fear.
Wisdom, or intelligence if that word is more palatable says right action lies in the middle between fear and aathy, not on either end. I live in the mecca of spiritual, do-gooder progressives (East Bay, CA) and also identify as one and sadly here, with sanitizer and toilet paper, wisdom also seems to be out of stock.
Within I have been feeling fear and apathy myself. I am sensing the same in my current landscape of humans in response to the current and evolving Coronavirus. Fear is natural, apathy is natural. The oscillating between the two is also understandable. I am just trying my best to, again and again, keep finding my center and zigzaggedly find my path of ‘right action’ between the two.
I am deciding to spread (funny yet?) freely my process, centering and ‘right action’ plan to help inspire an endless flow of right action on the shelves of our lives. I am doing this with the only tools I have — radical honesty and my pen. Well truthfully keyboard! But, You get the idea.
Discliamer: I am not a medical professional, epidemiologist or pandemoniumologist (Though, I strongly think the latter should be a real profession). Take whatever I have written here with a pinch of salt and a big scoop of self discernment.
I am but a pattern transcriber, who has been imperfectly weaving my own ‘right action’ with the help of resources and links friends and mentors who I hold in high regard have shared with me while tuning into my own inner voice.
What are the risks of me (and you) getting coronavirus?
Everyone is susceptible to the virus. I am 31 and in good medical condition. I do have asthma and no existing cold, congestions or symptoms. I can get the virus as much as anyone else. The fatality rate for my age group is 0.2% and because of my chronic respiratory disease it goes up by 6.3% (Source, graphs below too)
As per the above two tables, older people approx over 50-60 years and those with existing conditions (especially those conditions that reduce the body's immunity) are more negatively affected by the virus. The alarming fear of death that is surfacing in me is real, but statistically unnecessary. To put that in perspective, the death rate from car accidents for my age group is 7% (25- to 44-year-olds) and I use cars as much as I need too without fear with my best understanding of road safety.
It was important for me to also note that while there have been 119,179 total confirmed cases worldwide, the number of fully recovered is a high and healthy number of 66,618 (~4000 deaths total worldwide) till date as per this resource. (Thanks Tiffany Jana for sharing this positive perspective over the rampant fear narrative, Sidenote: they just released a new book about bias, check it out here)
How do I calm the alarming fear which feels so real and is so valid, I asked started to ask myself?
I am learning to use breath and self-regulation to calm my reptilian brain when fear kicks in. I am literally holding myself and saying out aloud — I am safe. I am safe. Until the fear fades and it does, just sometimes it takes multiple repetitions for me.
Okay, so yes I can get the virus (I am safe...), but I am unlikely to die from it. I most likely will recover if I do get it and seems like with accessible medical support and maybe even isolation at home. And, with this, I find my mind slipping into apathy. Apathy is me takes the form of an overestimated optimism that I don't have anything to worry about.
What are the risks of me (you?) spreading coronavirus?
Since coronavirus cruised into the west coast of the US (did anyone catch that pun?), the current medical response has been to test people with symptoms (fever and dry cough) and those with known exposure to a confirmed case. There are people who say there is reason to believe that the actual number of current cases is higher than reported and that makes sense to me. (Thanks to John Tarrant for sharing this in the recent PZI newsletter to shake me out of my apathy, the newsletter was beautifully titled ‘Blossoms and Plague’)
Whether the numbers are accurate or not, the reality is that I (and you) are more likely to spread the virus communally through social contact as symptomatic carriers or worse still asymptomatic carriers (if we get the virus and don't show symptoms) and therefore increase the chances of a pandemic in the US requiring a total lockdown. This is so because this virus is much harder to contain (I am safe..), though again to emphasize not fatal for most of us. The sciencey details of this are in the hyperlink above based on a new study done by German scientists, the first study outside of China. Note that it is yet to be peer-reviewed and was published only a day ago - Monday, March 9th. Regardless, it does explain why the spread has been so rapid, locking down countries entirely. Italy is a recent addition to countries in full lockdown. (Holds self immediately— I am safe. I am safe. I am safe) This is to stop the spread and not because the virus is killing everyone is affects.
Moreover, the mapping of the current (albeit imperfect) data here, suggests the numbers in the US is probably going to go up in the following weeks(one of the graphs from it below…I am safe. I am safe. I am safe) and therefore stopping the spread is as important as protecting ourselves individually even if we are out of the risk of high fatality populations. Apathy leaves me when I realize this growing risk through the following graph.
I am learning the trick is to teach myself to move out of fear and apathy as this crisis evolves in real-time.
I am doing self-check ins to identify when I am in fear or apathy. Both get triggered in me while I am on on social media, at work talking with a colleague, when a acquaintance says this is all shadow goverment propaganda.
Once I recognize what is happening within me, I try to alchemize those feelings and thoughts in the following way:
If in fear — as mentioned I repeat to myself ‘I am safe’, till my reptilian brain believes it. If in apathy — I ask myself what does the smallest step towards right action for me look like to protect me and those weakest in my community?
The thought with the greatest power to spring me out of apathy or fear is that I could get the virus and fight it off and recover but at the cost of spreading it to people who are less resourced and privileged than me.
From this beautiful human oscillating between fear, apathy and center my right action plan is taking ground, one step at a time. It goes as follows (WIP):
Intake Vitamin C everyday.
I am also using a tincture of Echinacea, as I have Asthma and prefer herbal because I am hippie-dippie like that.
I am avoiding gatherings, Bart (Bay Area Metro) and other public transport unless I really have to. I don't own a car so this cannot be done always, as a result, I am canceling more plans and doing less of the things I want to. I am working from home 80% of the time. Social distancing is important, even though uncomfortable. ‘Right action’ is seldom easy, I am learning.
I am also carrying a hand sanitizer and using it whenever I remember to, keeping it in my visual periphery has upped my use. I am using Dr. Bronners’s Organic Hand Sanitizer as per the previously established hippie-dippiness and also my privilege of having a paycheck and desire to support B Corps. Organic natural ones should still be available as they are not preferred by the majority.
While before I used to lazily order 50% of my everyday meals using a delivery service, I am now aiming to cook all my meals at home, 3 weeks out — I have been successful. My food budget has gone down. Yay! win-win! If you have not yet built this life skill, this is perhaps a good chance to do so.
I also used this as an opportunity to create an emergency kit. Since moving to the US, 7 years ago, this had not occurred to me and seems like a good practice regardless of Coronavirus because I live in an earthquake-prone zone. I used this link to create my kit in the unlikely but possible scenario I am restricted indoors for a month for my own or others' safety. I did not go far beyond the basics. The main thought was what food stores long and provides enough nutrition. I also bought a couple ready to east dishes. Also, think of some happy-making yummy snacks — there is no one stopping us from enjoying social isolation. I had a conversation with my roommate about precautions to take as a household. (Thanks to Jessica Watson Miller for creating a Facebook group to support household prep among friends — message me on FB if you would like to get added to it)
Washing my hands for 20 seconds right on entering my home or office from outside. This has been the biggest annoyance to me honestly. This is where I fail the most. Some people on my social media are saying— I was washing hands before it was cool. Were you really washing your hands for 20 seconds before? Science is saying the 20 seconds part is important because the average time is 6 seconds. I would assume most people wash their hands. The harder part is doing it for the recommended 20 seconds. That is where my apathy is showing up anyway because it seems so small and pointless. My cognitive bias of ‘I won't get the virus’ I am noticing is very dangerous. I am being watchful of that mindset.
When I noticed I was getting annoyed about washing my hands for that long and falling into apathy, I just reframed it as the perfect opportunity to bring my own playful flare in — so now when I wash my hands I gyrate while singing the chorus of my favorite punjabi number. (This one if curious) I may have washed my hands for atleast 30 seconds at one point Oops! I tricked my brain into enjoying ‘right action’. I love one-upping my mind! #warriorgoddess
If you are wondering what is the best way to wash your hands here you go: You need to clean the areas between your fingers, as well as your thumb and the backs of your hands, Dr. Mark Gendreau, the chief medical officer at Beverly Hospital in Massachusetts, told NPR. Scratch your palms in order “to scrub the fingertips and to get some soap under the initial part of the nail,” he adds. (Source)
Also, this virus has revealed to me how often I touch my face. To which I tell myself — touch is high on my love language and boy I must really love myself.
A more intensive preparedness guide is here made by the amazing Yeshe Salz. Thanks for putting this together and I am still working on some of the pieces mentioned there.
The under resourced are always going to be hit harder and worse in such situations. The uninsured, the refugees, the minorities. The unemployed. Here is where the ‘right’ action emerges for me -based on justice and equity. I will gladly reframe my annoyance around washing my hands for 20 seconds and fight my apathy not only to protect me and my family but those who will be hit harder and also be left less likely to recover than me. #realtimeactivism #subtleactsofequity #activisminpractice
And finally here is a funny dog gif if I accidentally led you into fear in my attempt to spread ‘right action’. Your ‘right action’ could look different than mine, hopefully, the science-backed basics do not because, you know, its science!
It is important for us to center ourselves from fear and apathy which is so natural for us as humans to feel, neither I nor you will stop feeling it as we navigate this evolving threat to our community wellness. Let us then accept that and learn to act the best we can anyway.
I am just trying my best to keep remembering that in that middle space between fear and apathy, our own inner center holds wisdom and only wisdom helps us find our unique right action. And I am learning, unlike fear or apathy, wisdom has not yet endorsed selfishness. You and I are as strong as our weakest community member.
My next covid- 19 diary entry is going to be about — How I am learning to deal with the grief that this virus is spreading as a necessary but painful outcome of cancelations and loss of labor and income for so many.
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IG: @iamfireweed
